The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
