while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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