Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
