she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
