When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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