using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
