he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
did you just send me my own nude
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
