sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
