Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
