I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
