he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
