Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
