I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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