I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
