Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
