Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
