Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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