i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
