As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
