Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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