i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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