I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
