I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
