You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
