PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
