My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
