Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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