I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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