You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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