Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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