i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
