I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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