farters have to be the big spoon...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
