Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
