There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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