my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
