Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
