i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
