We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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