Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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