I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I checked into jail on foursquare
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
