I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
