I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
