____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
