I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
