She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
