life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
