So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize