the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
