Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
