I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
