I got chris browned last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
