I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
